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Energy Zappers versus our Well-Being

Nov 07, 2021

Energy Zappers versus our Well-Being

Have you ever considered the impact your expectations have on your well-being?

I’ve realised I put more pressure on myself than anyone else does, especially around work. As parents of children with different needs, we run around after everyone else, looking after their needs, trying to multi-task and expect to keep all the plates spinning!

A while ago, I realised I needed to step away from social media, put some work projects on hold, and take a bit of time of to concentrate on my family, and personal well-being.

So I did.  

And the world didn't end...!

There are so many pressures for us as parents, from needing to secure the correct educational support, planning short trips away or going somewhere new, to ensuring our kids have all the daily nurture they need, and we know that changes on a daily basis don't we?

I know I'm not the only one who finds it emotionally exhausting being a parent, and I know it’s nothing to how they are feeling, but, as the grown up I also know I need to be the one who stays calm, but if I'm honest, that doesn’t always happen, and then the guilt kicks in.

So how does this all link in with expectations?

Many years ago when I started my journey into the world of work I had an office job because that was what was expected of me back then and i dutifully went along with it. The funny thing is, I was politely encouraged to find another role as I was advised I am 'not an office person'!

They were right, I'm not! 

I moved into having a thriving mobile therapy business, which I absolutely loved because of the direct interaction with people, and the difference I brought to my clients in our sessions as I helped them with whatever they needed. I was truly in my zone of genius.

However, with the growing demands on me as a working woman, wife, parent and mother of two boys, each with needs that became apparent were on the neurodivergent scale, I stepped into the role of 'spokesperson'. 

I wanted to raise awareness of PDA and the impact it has not just on our children, but also on us as parents and carers. This is when I first spoke at PDA Cardiff Conference.

And then Covid hit...

The PDA Conference for that year was postponed, but I knew I still had to do something. And so The PDA Space was created, and has not only come to life, but supports hundreds of parents and carers each year whilst continuing to raise awareness of PDA.

And now I have to do office work...! 

I’ve been on an epic journey over the past 18 months learning masses of new skills, navigating my way through creating a new organisation, and the biggest challenge of all, using new tech.  It sends me into an absolute frazzle.

I feel so responsible and put more expectations on myself than anyone else does around me, and this is a real energy zapper. I can't do it all myself, but I often still think I should be doing more than I actually can. It is difficult to accept at times I literally cannot do some things in my 'office role' and I start comparing myself to other parents or business owners, which does nothing for my energy, as that is a real zapper.

And then I remember I have a great team around me to help with the 'office' stuff. I just have to remind myself of what I bring to The PDA Space that is uniquely me, because with my own neurodivergence, I am excellent at thinking outside the box and I am great at understanding how important it is to nurture ourselves. So that is what I focus on teaching and sharing.

Years ago I heard a wonderful phrase, ‘COMPARE DESPAIR’.

This is when you compare your internal dialogue or situation with another's exterior situation - because we only see the outside of someone's' life and what they present to the world. So we make assumptions and this leave us expecting ourselves to do more than we actually can at that time!

So how can we be compassionate to ourselves and be our own best friend?

Taking time during your day to acknowledge what you have achieved. That includes all the small jobs you naturally get on and do as well as any bigger challenges. 

Honestly, it is ok to just get through the day and then be grateful the day is over. We all have days like that. For me, that can be my greatest achievement some days! 

At the end of your day spend just a few moments to count your blessings of what you have in your life, however simple. It is the simple things in life we often take for granted and that's when we start expecting more out of life, and then more from ourselves...

You can see a pattern forming here can't you!

One of the things I am so grateful for is having fresh, clean running water. 💦 

If you would like to take some time for you to reduce those expectations of making everything... just right, why not have 7 Days of Nurturing. Its a short and simple free course with everything you need for more calm in your life.

Click here

...to get started today, and by this time next week, you will be your own best friend.

Nicola Reekie: The PDA Space